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Down on the Farm
An old “friend” offers assistance with a seemingly-overwhelming threat Cast * Sam Yao * Colonel Sage * Brent Valmont * Nadia Al Hanaki Plot Welcome Canapes With the V-Type threat growing, and the stock of Burn Cubes dwindling, you and Nadia seek help from Brent Valmont, who claims to have a new weapon capable of killing V-Types. Time and Ghouls Wait For No Man! Valmont introduces you to his weapon against the V-Types: pigs! Specially bred to feast on necrotic tissue, these animals are a holdover from a Xia-Hifa pilot project, which Valmont is keen to trial for you with an approaching horde of Ghouls A Gentleman Never Tells As Nadia and Brent use grenades on the horde of Ghouls, you lead the pigs in for clean-up duty. You’re interrupted, though, by a new threat: a horde of zombified Last Riders that swine won’t shift. Nadia recalls a past solution that might be repurposed here and directs you to the water tower. Chuck a Grenade Nadia explains her plan: use grenades to knock out the water tower’s supports and send a tidal wave of water to wash away the horde. Smooth! Run! Nadia’s plan works, and the horde is swept away… or so it seems. Moments after your victory, more zombified Last Riders emerge from a nearby field. Nadia wonders if they might be planning their attacks, but there’s no time for speculation. You need to run! Once Was Enough Nadia convinces Valmont to let her use the pigs in an escape plan, promising they won’t be harmed. Split Second Timing As the pigs approach, the V-Type horde parts, before closing on the now-trapped pigs and tearing them to shreds. The co-ordinated action unnerves Nadia, and the implication that the zombies are capable of working together is troubling. Nadia heads off to warn nearby colonies about the horde, before a message from Colonel Sage of Banktown offers assistance. S07E22 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript engine rumbles SAM YAO: I still think the two of you should have taken a burn cube, Nads. Just in case. NADIA AL HANAKI: Janine went over this before we left, Sam. Twice. SAM YAO: I know, I know! But we do have burn cubes from Sigrid’s island. And I know we don’t have loads, but we did get them specifically to use on V-types. And now you and Five are running toward the biggest horde of V-types in the country! NADIA AL HANAKI: A horde that’s moving through the UK’s most fertile farmland. The high yield ? wheat grows there. A burn cube could poison the soil for generations. Look, the country’s relying on us. Two more colonies fell to the horde yesterday, right? SAM YAO: Did you hear about South Roughead? NADIA AL HANAKI: The one with all the scavenged video game consoles? I loved that little place. SAM YAO: sighs Yeah. The horde got them overnight. NADIA AL HANAKI: All of them? SAM YAO: Mm. A few managed to escape. But this horde. Well, it’s not like normal zoms. Straggling, disorganized. It’s like it waits and then strikes all at once. And the Ministry used to do the zombie horde reports so people could know what was coming, but we can’t even work together well enough to do that anymore! NADIA AL HANAKI: South Roughead used to think it was funny. The early warning stuff. They used to prank it, remember? SAM YAO: Yeah. Those reports of zombies with the bodies of horses got them cut out of the warning network. So they had no idea the horde was coming. NADIA AL HANAKI: All the more reason to work together now. Valmont says he’s got an anti-V-type weapon that won’t leave environmental fallout. That’s got to be worth trying. I keep thinking some of the Riders would be happy about this. The bad ones, I mean. They’re causing more chaos dead than they did alive. SAM YAO: I mean, did they really like that? Chaos? NADIA AL HANAKI: Some of them were almost religious about it. “You have to choose – order or chaos. No middle ground.” Five, we’re close to Valmont’s rendezvous. That massive farm up ahead. The barn’s the size of a small mansion, and it’s got a huge water tower like a UFO on stilts. BRENT VALMONT: Hello! Brent speaking. Uh, meet me by the stables. I have exciting news. Uh, do hurry. ANNIE has prepared some welcome canapés! engine rumbles BRENT VALMONT: Legs! Oh, you’re looking healthy as ever. I bet Sam is in your ear. Don’t worry, I’ve got speakers ANNIE can connect him to. SAM YAO: Oh no, please intercom don’t – ugh. Okay then. BRENT VALMONT: And if it isn’t my very favorite runner, old Hot Wheels! NADIA AL HANAKI: No. BRENT VALMONT: Nadia Al Hanaki. Uh. There’s food here. Help yourselves. snorts NADIA AL HANAKI: Is that a pig under the table? BRENT VALMONT: Straight to business, eh? That is one of my new secret weapons. Come here, Voltaire. There’s a good pig. Voli here is a special breed of truffle hog, an old Xia-Hifa pilot scheme here at the company’s farm. NADIA AL HANAKI: Big bacon market in the arms industry, was there? BRENT VALMONT: laughs Oh, good heavens, no! No, Voli isn’t for slaughter. Far from it. You see, my clients occasionally had a lot of bodies to dispose of, and well, pigs eat anything. So we engineered a breed which was enthusiastic about necrotic flesh. SAM YAO: Guys, I’ve got cams up on the farm. There’s more of those pigs penned in the barn. laughs Pretty cute, to be honest. Apart from the tusks. BRENT VALMONT: I was think about V-types when it struck me, we can’t blow V-types up because bits go everywhere. Except with the pigs, we can! We blast them and pigs gobble up the remains. NADIA AL HANAKI: So basically, your plan is to turn the V-types into compost. BRENT VALMONT: Never let it be said that Brent Valmont is not a friend to nature. rings That’s ANNIE’s proximity alarm. SAM YAO: Yeah, there’s a bunch of ghouls passing near you, led by a V-type. NADIA AL HANAKI: All right, this is your chance, Mr. Smooth. We can test out your idea, if you feel up to the challenge. BRENT VALMONT: I was hoping you’d say that! I have a few grenades in the farmhouse. Why don’t we grab some and welcome our new friends? Legs, the pigs are penned up in the barn on the other side of the farm. Run over there, open it up. They’ll go straight for the smell of rotting flesh. Hurry, everyone. Time and ghouls wait for no man. zombie parts splatter NADIA AL HANAKI: I got the V-type dead on with that grenade. Took out the ghouls, too. BRENT VALMONT: And one wall of my farmhouse, but I have others. Bits of zombie and ghoul everywhere, of course. NADIA AL HANAKI: Here come the pigs. snuffle, zombie flesh squelches SAM YAO: Oh, they’re chomping away. That’s cute and disgusting? Is that a thing? Adorable, yet awful? Ugh, look how they go straight for the eyeballs. BRENT VALMONT: A rousing success! Now, with a little time to organize - NADIA AL HANAKI: Wait. What’s that? BRENT VALMONT: Come again? NADIA AL HANAKI: On the horizon. Big moving blob. rings SAM YAO: It’s zoms. A lot of zoms. In leather clothes. With face tattoos. NADIA AL HANAKI: The Last Rider V-types? All of them, from the look of it. BRENT VALMONT: Mm, ANNIE was sure they wouldn’t come this way. The old girl has been a little bit unreliable lately. I’m still getting to the bottom of why. SAM YAO: They’re headed right for you. You don’t think maybe they can sense you killed one of their own? NADIA AL HANAKI: Zombies don’t work like that, Sam. Smooth, how many grenades do you have left? BRENT VALMONT: A gentleman never tells! Oh, there’s that Learjet-downing look of yours. All right, three. NADIA AL HANAKI: Won’t make a dent in that horde. Wait, I have an idea. Everybody to the water tower. I’ll explain when we get there. Just run! SAM YAO: Okay guys, I see you under the water tower. BRENT VALMONT: You know, Legs, life is so much more rambunctious when you’re around. NADIA AL HANAKI: Remember London, Five? When you blew the Thames barrier to wash away those V-types? If it worked there, it’ll work here. We knock over the tower, it cracks open, water rushes out, zoms get scattered, we get time to escape. SAM YAO: You better hurry, guys. That horde is closing fast. NADIA AL HANAKI: We see them, Sam. I recognize some of the faces. See that one at the front? Minty Davis, just turned 14. Liked snakes. Became a Last Rider because he missed his mom. The worst Riders would have liked this. The rest… they were just lost. They didn’t deserve this. Five, chuck a grenade at the right support strut. Smooth, take the left. That should set it teetering in the right direction. We’ll need to run clear before it falls. Regroup at the barn. Go, now! pins are pulled, explosion, tower creaks and crashes to ground cracks, water rushes SAM YAO: Guys, it’s working! The tower hit the ground and split open. The water’s like a tidal wave. It’s washing the zoms away. BRENT VALMONT: So much for the Last Riders, eh? The living ones are gone and the dead are scattered. They never were high achievers. NADIA AL HANAKI: The survivors, the ones who weren’t at the hotel, they’re not all gone. Some of them are at Abel and other settlements now, trying to work out how to live normal lives. SAM YAO: sighs That can’t be easy. Were they – were they like, brainwashed into it or something? NADIA AL HANAKI: Yeah. Some of them basically were, I think. They were confused about why they were there to start with, I think, and now they’re not surrounded by cannibal nihilists, they’re doing okay. BRENT VALMONT: But some of them were enthusiastic about the old cannibal nihilism. NADIA AL HANAKI: A handful. There’s still chatter on the Last Rider frequencies. A few survivors saying there’s nothing left to do but die in glory. Which is a worry, I’ll grant you. But something’s wrong. The horde was huge when we spotted it. And when the tower burst, it looked small. rings SAM YAO: Guys, V-types coming out of the fields east of you. Lots of them. NADIA AL HANAKI: Leather jackets? SAM YAO: Yeah. It’s the same group. Your friend Minty’s at the front. NADIA AL HANAKI: They split their forces while we were running, had some of them approach under the cover of the corn. They were trying to outflank us! SAM YAO: Wow. That’s like Janine-level thinking. We’ve never seen zombies do that. NADIA AL HANAKI: We’ve never seen this many V-types in one place. All right, I know this sounds nuts, but could they be like, discussing tactics together? BRENT VALMONT: I’ve been asking ANNIE for a helicopter pickup, but the nearest craft is uh, some time away. NADIA AL HANAKI: They’ll be on us any second. We need a new plan. The pigs. They’re our only chance. They’re over near the farmhouse. Don’t gawp at me, Smooth! Run! snort BRENT VALMONT: Oh, good God, Voltaire. Stop licking that skull and just eat it, please. SAM YAO: Uh, why exactly did you name a pig after a French philosopher? BRENT VALMONT: Genius, enlightened man, name beginning with V. Whimsical nod at the historical competition. I don’t see how my pets can help us, Nadia. NADIA AL HANAKI: Those pigs have nasty tusks and eat dead flesh. There’s dozens of them. If we charge them at the zoms, we might buy time to escape. BRENT VALMONT: These pigs are worth a fortune! And they’re not meant for combat. NADIA AL HANAKI: Then we’ll need to motivate them. I’ll rev my engine behind the herd. That’ll get the pigs moving. Five, Smooth, take a sidearm each and run alongside the herd, firing into the air. Once they’re in a good panic, we can break off. The pigs’ll slam into the horde and we’ll run as fast as we can the other way. The zoms won’t eat your pets. They’re only interested in human flesh. Everybody ready? Don’t give me that mopey look, Smooth. It’s this, or we join the Last Riders, and once was enough for my lifetime. All of you, three, two, one, go! NADIA AL HANAKI: The pigs are charging straight toward the zoms. Everyone, break off. Head into those fields. SAM YAO: The pigs are just about to hit the horde. They’re in a panic, but they’re smelling the dead flesh. I don’t believe it! The horde parted to let the pigs through. BRENT VALMONT: Are they still coming after us? SAM YAO: No. They’re closing ranks around the pigs. squeal They’re tearing them to shreds, like they knew they were a threat! NADIA AL HANAKI: That’s too smart. And we didn’t see them communicating with each other, did we? The whole lot of them moved as one, like they have one mind! BRENT VALMONT: So much for my pets. And I had such high hopes for them. Oh well. ANNIE’s mapped a safe route back to my nearest compound, so I think I’ll be off. But let’s all do this again, sometime. It was rather thrilling. NADIA AL HANAKI: Five, get back to Abel. I’m going to head straight for the nearest colonies. I’ll warn them to lock down or get out. There’s nothing we can do to fight a horde like this. SAM YAO: Okay. Good idea, Nadia. Five, you need to head away from the nearest colonies. You’ll rendezvous with Peter and Janine to encourage the zoms to chase you, not Nadia. It’s dangerous, but they’re the only ones near enough to help. We have to draw that horde away from the settlements. Any direction will do. static COLONEL SAGE: Abel runners, this is Colonel Sage of Banktown. I think I can help. My plan requires split-second timing, but if you are willing to trust me, it may save all our lives. Category:Mission Category:Season Seven